Here I sit in my 25th psychiatric hospitalization.

I am at LC, which is a Casa for mental health and is an alternative to being in the psych ward. I have been here for 4 days, but it is a 30 day program. So, I will be here for awhile. This is my 25th time of being in a psychiatric facility. Will I ever feel well? Will I ever be out of this dark misery? Will I ever NOT be in a facility? Right now, my BPD/PTSD/Depression has a hold of me and is making the dark misery even worse, that is why I ASKED my therapist to refer me to LC so that I can stabilize somewhat. I was abusing my meds in order to feel better, which is not a way to go and I was feeling suicidal. Does depression feel this bad? Like something bad is going to happen to you and you are afraid and cry and even might get panic attack? YES it does.

I know that we often feel crappy about life but there is always at least one thing we can feel grateful for. What are you grateful for? I am grateful for my job, for my friend Dee, my beautiful service dog, Beatrice, and my physical health even though I have foot problems.

Pizza Incident

CPS - 4th Grade.

Oh the innocence of a 4th grader - yet the wit and humor of a 20year old (at least)

Someone (I think my aunt K) called CPS on my parents. My parents somehow caught wind of CPS coming and they said to us that a lady was coming and 'us' kids were going to be interviewed and that we needed to be honest.

This was about two-weeks after the 'pizza' incident and this shit being beat out of me. SOOOOOOO

I said.........."You want me to tell them that dad beat me over a slice of pizza?"

Needless to say, my parents hid me in the backroom and told the lady I was at a church event and wasn't there.

I was actually in my bedroom and heard every word that was said that night.