I have been in this crisis that I can't get out of. I have bounced around from one behavioral/mental/hospital stay for the last 4 months because I have no reason to live. I have to lie to my own doctors/therapists just to get out of the hospital or behavioral centers. I can't live in society, it is awkward, or maybe it is just me who is too awkward for society.
I have no REAL friends, actually I have no friends at all. I have pushed them away (1) because I have been hurt by them or (2) because I been too bitchy and send texts/emails/conversations that have been to blunt or honest and people take it the wrong way and then they in return don't want to be my friend. However, truth be told, if true deep honesty can't be used in a relationship the relationship with that person has already served the purpose it was meant to serve. Meaning, the value of the relationship has already been met.
I sit in my lonely world my mind spinning and spinning. Sometimes, actually often, I just sit and bawl. It is a lonely world for a lot of people with mental illnesses.
I didn't use to be this bad. I had a 15 year stint without a crisis and was able to function in society. I am hoping this blog will serve as a purpose of letting me function in society again. At least a little.
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