Mr. Zen / DBT.

So, I think I am slowly coming around to the idea of DBT and Mr. Zen.

I was pissed and angry at first that they made me change therapist from Egg to Mr. Zen because Egg isn't trained in DBT. I loved her. I trusted her. As I have said, it takes A LOT for me to trust people.....so, it was hard to accept the change. It has been about 5 or 6 weeks I think with Mr. Zen. He isn't so bad.

We had a one-on-one yesterday the 6th and I wanted to laugh because he said that he gathers from my diary cards that I don't trust very easily and I am guarded even with providers (totally true). I think he was trying to get me to open up, and he said, we should talk more....like we can do phone coaching. I wanted to burst out laughing. Why? Because I freakin HATE the damn phone. If he only knew how much I hate the phone he would have found humor in it too. I would much rather email someone 100x a day than call them. Anyway, I just said ok. He said, call ten times if you have to. Which then made it even funnier in my head, but yeah ok Mr. Zen. We will see if that happens.

He is also going to be out of town for a few weeks and I am going through a rough patch because of friend drama (see letters) and some other stuff. So he was trying to talk about coming up with a list of things that I can do to help me cope and I thought he was going to tell me to contact the crisis team. So I cut him off and told him "No, I won't do it. Not going to happen." We laughed and he said that isn't what he was going to say. So then he said but yes we would need to find a back up therapist that I do "know" that I could reach out to if I needed to. I have this little BIG problem. I would rather a crisis gets out of control than reach out to the crisis team and talk to someone I don't know. Kind of backwards thinking, but I hate having to talk shit out with someone new. Out of the DBT team though, I think I only know 2 people. So we shall see how this goes with the few weeks he is gone and who he decides will be my back up.

DBT group therapy 'check-ins' also crack me up. People are so much more evasive than other group therapies I have been a part of and the therapists check in too. So Mr. Zen will tell us how he feels and how his day has been. I find that part refreshing. If he is feeling tired/antsy/etc he tells us, so I feel a tiny bit normal at check in. The evasive part is just funny because I have been a part of other groups that people have been very detailed about where they are at emotionally and take a long time to check in. With DBT it is like 10 words or less to check in.

It is an interesting group of people as well. There is one guy that I call very 'theatrical' and one guy seems to have a lot of anger issues the rest just seem kind of like me, lost/depressed/fucked in the head.